flameandpassion | 73 [Video]

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73 [Video]

[Rei is sitting on the floor, her knees to her chest. Her back is pressed against an invisible wall -- a chamber, of sorts, made out of energy. She is perfectly still, breathing slow and even, her eyes fixated on whatever is in front of her.

The feed continues this way for five minutes, then ten -- and still, Rei does not move, save for her fingers moving in tiny intricate designs upon her legs. She doesn't even blink. Her expression is completely blank and neutral, devoid of emotion.

Finally, the priestess speaks, and her tone is perfectly even. She does not look at the camera.]

I know what you did. I saw it. You can hide as long as you want, but I'll find out. I'm not going to stop looking until I know the truth. He deserves more dignity than what you gave him.

[She is silent for a moment or two more before she inhales deeply.]

I need to speak to Sam and Dean Winchester. And Raven. In person.

[Another pause.]

...I'm fine now.

[Four hours of solid meditation works wonder for the anger of hellfire.]

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I'm not going to fight them.

I just need to know.

[She can definitely understand that. She nods.]

I'll help you find out.

[Talking about it makes her skin crawl. But Rei forces herself to continue.]

I don't know where he is, either.

Then we'll look for him together. Everyone will help out.

[She tries for a reassuring smile, and offers:]

I'll come stay with you awhile, too. I'll be over there in a few minutes, Ok?

...Toushirou is going to let me out soon, I think.

I'm glad. [You shouldn't have to be there.]

If he doesn't, I'll talk to him about it. It'll be soon. For sure.

[Rei offers half a smile.]

He won't keep me in here forever.

[Just long enough to ensure that she isn't a threat to herself or to anyone else. And Rei isn't about to ask him to let her go.]

Mm. Alright.

Rei-chan, I couldn't really ask back then... What happened, exactly? You said something about Lucifer.

[And while she can't let Rei run off to that sort of battle, especially not alone, she wants to hear Rei out about just what was going on.]

[That was the problem, wasn't it? Lucifer... hadn't done anything, in the end.]

... I wasn't going after Lucifer, at first.

I had a vision of Cas. I thought I could stop what happened. I needed to hurry. And when he -- [was murdered] -- ... I just felt like it was his fault.

[She wants to yell that you can't do that, that you have to be very sure of yourself, at the least, before something like that, that it was dangerous, that Rei would be screaming if one of the others did that.

But Rei knows already, doesn't she? And lectures don't feel very good. Usagi refrains from giving one.]

Rei-chan...

[It's then that it hits her.]

Lucifer, is he the one that started this? Making everyone so angry, like the Dead Moon?

[Her voice is far too soft, and far too tight.]

... I don't have any proof.

[But that's Rei for 'yeah, he did, and I don't really need any.']

I'll help you find proof. So you can at least know what happened.

Did you ask him?

[Not that she doesn't trust Rei's instincts, and she even knows Lucifer can lie; but he rarely does, to give him credit; he might admit it easily and make this simple.]

... I don't think talking to him is the best idea in the world right now.

[Evenly.

Rei has control of herself. But talking to him so soon afterwards -- even Rei knows that can only lead to bad things, especially with Castiel's death so fresh.]

I can talk to him if you want. [She hurries to add her reassurances.] I won't if you don't want it!

It's up to you.

[She is trying her best to separate herself from the situation. And if Usagi wants to ask Lucifer, that's her decision.]

I want to if it might help.

Then go ahead and ask.

[But don't be surprised if Lucifer turns around to make it all Rei's fault.]

[Didn't work last time and won't work now. Have faith in her, Rei.]

Don't worry about it right now. I just want to help you right now. But I think you need to tell me how.

[She's felt increasingly at a loss with what to do to at least help make things a little better for Rei. Seeing Rei ready to fight to clear the way through her brought it into sharp focus.]

[She's silent, for a long moment, before switching the filter.]

... Castiel is dead because of my actions.

[It's perfectly neutral.]

Nothing I do will take back whatever he's going to lose.

No. It won't. But Rei-chan, that's not everything. We'll help him through whatever it is. If he's forgotten something, we'll tell him about it. If there's something he can't do now, we'll help him do it. If he loses his powers or something like that, we'll protect him.

He has no more powers to lose.

[It's spoken quietly. Castiel is mortal -- any powers he had at his fingertips as an angel were now gone, thanks to Rei and her vision, which she allowed Raphael to see. And while Castiel almost never brought up the difficulty, Rei knew he hated it. Loathed it, even.

But it brought up another difficulty -- he could lose his spiritual sense. Or his ability to craft sigils -- which made Rei's heart wrench uncomfortably. His ability to touch, his Grace could be permanently destroyed, he could lose his memories of what happened on Tanabata, he could destroy his chances at remembering so he could save his future -- ]

-- I can't protect him.

[It's spoken with a special sort of finality. A morbid understanding. A sudden realization.

She can't protect everyone.

It's an odd feeling -- sickening and a release of responsibility.

-- but she should have been able to protect him, the little voice continues to nag.]

Then we have another reason to protect him next time. Because this time, we couldn't, and we don't want to leave it like that.

[The words come with a reassuring smile, a quiet and gentle tone. Bad things happen - happened - but it's not the end, and she won't let it be the end.]

You don't understand, Usagi.

[Her tone is quiet.]

All of this happened because of me. This is my fault. All of it. Every injury, every death, every drop of blood spilled over this, is my fault, because I played my only trump card too early.

[She falls silent for a moment and rubs the back of her hand across her eyes quickly, letting out her breath in a hiss between her teeth as she looks away.]

The only way to protect him is for him to never speak to me again and cut any ties with me at all.

That's not true! And he'll understand that, too.

[Because if you think that way, the senshi should stay away from Usagi.]

Of course he'll understand it.

[It's muttered.]

He needs people to understand him. He's not going to let that go so easily.

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buntails.livejournal.com - 2011-08-27 06:44 (UTC) - Expand

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