flameandpassion | 25 [Voice]

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25 [Voice]

[Filtered to Household* // Private // Unhackable]

I'm not going to be home for a day or so, so don't worry about me.

I'll probably be at the clinic later tonight. I'll let you know.

*List: Cloud, Zack, Makoto, Usagi, Minako, Chibiusa/Black Lady, Hotaru.

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I guess I'm thinking about weird things, huh?

They're not weird.

I wonder if I was a good princess in the past.

I'm sure you were.

I have a long way to go to catch up, huh?

I think you do a great job now.

Well, I'll do my best.

That's all anyone could ask.

But it's not enough, is it?

Why do you say that?

I can't do anything. I'm no good to anyone.

[She's silent for a moment before she exhales, slowly.]

You aren't the one who couldn't prevent something they saw two weeks ago.

Rei-chan, that's different. You know that. And you helped them a lot.

I promised them that I wouldn't let it happen.

[Well. Promised Hitsugaya, anyway. Sasuke didn't want to hear it.]

But you did everything you could. I'm sure they know that.

[She knows they do. Or, at least, Hitsugaya does. And she's certain Sasuke won't hold anything against her when he comes back to life. It doesn't stop her from feeling immensely guilty.]

You do everything you can and you do it well, Usagi-chan. You shouldn't feel bad about anything.

But I haven't been able to do anything.

[And, the truth is, she's pretty sure no one really wants her to. She just seems in the way when she tries, or she's told not to before she can even try, or those walls go up again. She really has very little confidence left.]

[She's silent for a moment.]

I told you not to come with me because Toushirou needed someone to stop him and that person was me, Usagi-chan. Not because you couldn't do anything.

[Though Usagi couldn't have stopped him. But saying this out loud would've made it worse.]

[If it were just about that, she could accept that. If it were just about one or two or even several anything, she could accept it. But it's... consistent. Constant. Every time she turns around, there's another angry face, another person she can't do anything for, another stone wall.]

It's not just that. Rei-chan, I can't even keep the senshi together. That's the one thing I should be able to do if you keep saying I'm the leader or the princess or whatever.

Ami-chan went home because the Animus sent her home, Usagi-chan, not because you couldn't keep us together. We're all together and we're all here.

That's not it! There's Hotaru-chan. And I haven't been able to talk to Chibi-Usa much. And the other people here, too. I really just get in the way when I try. And trying doesn't get anywhere anyway.

[This is making it so much worse with the simple frustration of being misunderstood.]

[She hasn't cried, not yet. She nearly did, when Toushirou threw up over the side of the wall, and the expression on his face when she had hugged him, but she had managed to keep it locked away. So far, so good. But the barrage of problems nearly pushes Rei to her breaking point, but she presses the PCD against her lips to get a grip.]

... Chibiusa isn't herself, Usagi-chan, and that's just Hotaru-chan's way. Both of them are going to stay with us as long as we stick together and be strong. And --

Toushirou isn't well. You did help him. I promise.

[But it's Toushirou, it's Sasuke, it's Fran, it's endless people; part of it is just Adstringendum's fault. And Rei can say she feels like she failed, but at least she's allowed to try. Usagi is always told not to even try.

Usagi has cried. In fact, a lot of her would like to just give up and stop when trying just means hurting and crying again. But that's not her way, not really, not once she gets past that urge.]

Just living in the same place isn't being together. Even I realize that.

[She can't even manage to make her best friend, her princess, happy and safe. She curses silently to herself. She needs to be home, but she can't leave Toushirou by himself. She can't. Not after Kurotsuchi told him what he did, not after they go to the clinic, not after he finally realizes that Sasuke is dead. He's, potentially, a ticking time bomb.

There's a breathy sigh.]

We're doing the best we can, Usagi-chan.

You're doing so much, Rei-chan! I know that! I see it all the time.

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