flameandpassion | 52 [Accidental Video]

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52 [Accidental Video]

[There's a series of slammed doors, when the PCD turns on -- anyone who has been inside of it will recognize the Temple of Heaven -- and anyone who pays attention will see that the reason for the slammed doors is quickly approaching the device.

Rei is opening doors, looking inside rooms, and slamming them shut.

Over. And over. And over. And over. And over.

It's a large temple, after all. There are a lot of rooms to look through.

But once Rei has reached the final door, the one closest to the PCD, she is breathless, her fingers are trembling, and she yanks it open with much more force than absolutely necessary. The door slams into the adjacent wall and the PCD manages to look inside it, quickly -- an empty, unused room -- before Rei slams the door shut so hard that the wall shakes.]

Damn it --

[It's choked through a sob as she turns away from the PCD, her shoulders trembling, as she struggles to get ahold of herself. The trembling soon turns into full out shaking and Rei turns, her back hitting the wall, so she can sink to the floor, her hands burying themselves in her hair as she cries.

Sometimes, it's just one last straw to finally break the camel's back.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

-- looking into the future isn't cheating.

Or -- following people around.

[Or creepy. Shut up.]

No one said anything about cheating.

[And, well. If she really doesn't approve of it, maybe it would be better for him to stop.... Not that he'll say that out loud. It would just worry her again.]

You know what I mean.

[She doesn't... actually mind -- if it makes him feel better, by all means. It only gets annoying when she's around people that she knows won't hurt her. And sometimes it makes her feel like she can't take care of herself. But those are all her issues, not his.]

You want to make your own mistakes without having people around at all times to save you.

[She stiffens, ever so slightly, at the blunt statement. Rei likes to think of herself as mature, sensible -- but the twist in her stomach says otherwise, because the statement is completely and utterly true.

She leans her back against the step behind her with a frown. No, it's more than that -- because being babysat, that was aggravating, and it ticked her off like nothing else, but the real problem had absolutely nothing to do with her.

Rei contemplates not saying anything at all, but that would almost feel like an insult. Her eyes roll to the sky and she narrows them slightly.]

... If I have to be saved, then I can't protect.

...Very well.

[He only nods, no other physical indication of what he may be thinking or what he means by the simple statement.

Keeping an eye on everything he could has always been his way of preventing things like what had happened last week. As long as he could control something, could gather information and actually use it, then maybe he was doing something worthwhile while he was stuck here. In all of his two years, however, it's rarely shown positive results. Just as Hino said she felt she didn't have the same chances as she had before Tsukino had disappeared even though it was never actually her chances that had changed, Hitsugaya had come to realize what little control he'd thought he had had never existed in the first place. Is a farce like that really something he should continue to pursue?

Not only does he not truly have the ability to stop these things from happening, he doesn't have the right to insist they shouldn't happen. Hino survived an altercation with Satan. She has connections with virtually everyone in Adstringendum. She can sense evil, for heaven's sake. It's more than he's done. So if she doesn't want to be saved, he has no right to try.]

['Very well'? What was that supposed to mean? Rei hadn't asked him to do anything or even suggested he do anything, so why on Earth would he say something like that? He wouldn't even say something like that even if she had asked him to do something, not unless it was something drastically important.

Rei straightens, slightly, to look at him a little more carefully. Her expression is hard to read.]

Toushirou. Never stop trying to protect the people here.

[It's quiet, before Rei tugs on his sleeve lightly, with just the tips of her fingers.]

You're still one of the first people I would go to if I ever needed anything. That isn't going to change.

[Again he doesn't push her hand away, but he does look down at it a bit grudgingly. That may just be because he doesn't want to meet her eyes though.]

Maybe it should.

It's not going to.

[Without hesitation, with the same fierce loyalty that she has always had.]

[He's quiet for a moment before lurching forward, his knees opening up as his bent elbows push them apart, the palms of his hands pressed over his eyes. It's not a sob that follows though. It's a laugh. An uninhibited, loud, dangerously overwhelmed laugh.]

Of course not.

[Ha. Ha. Ha. It's so. Damn. Funny.]

[She instantly reaches out a hand, when he lurches forward -- because the last time this happened, he wound up vomiting over the wall of Adstringendum... but when he laughs, Rei freezes.

She has barely seen Hitsugaya smile, let alone laugh, in all of her time here. And for him to sound so completely lost and overwhelmed is, quite frankly, more terrifying than seeing him retching over a wall.

Usagi would know what to do, to fix it, to make it better. But Rei is supposed to be Hitsugaya's friend -- she's supposed to be able to know how to make this better, but she can't. How could she? How could you possibly fix something like that?

What would Hitsugaya do, if Rei had killed Usagi? What would he say? Would he shun her and condemn her and tell everyone never to speak to her again because of what she was capable of? She doubted it -- it would probably be quite the opposite. But it's always different, when it's you -- and the burden Hitsugaya is carrying is so large that even Rei can visibly see it now.

One hand finds his shoulder and her voice -- while she tries to keep it as steady as possible, because over her cold dead body is she going to cry in front of Hitsugaya Toushirou -- is trembling.]

If you think that I'm going to turn my back on you, then you're an idiot.

[Her voice catches, ever so slightly, in the last word.]

[He takes a deep breath when her hand rests on his shoulder. Then he takes another one, just to be safe. When he answers, his voice is steadier, though not as devoid of emotion as he'd like. He doesn't move, not even a hair. Only the rise and fall of his chest.]

Tsukino is going to be fine, Hino. It's ridiculous to worry about her. If anything, you should be worried about every other person you know because they will probably put themselves in harm's way to protect her. Whether the animus took her or not will not affect the outcome of your war. She'll win because you morons protect her with your lives.

The animus are not good or evil. They're a mystery. If you intend to solve it, you can't afford to believe they have complete control over you or this world. We are looking for a way to usurp their power. If you focus too much attention on the fact that they may control who comes and goes, you may miss a momentary display of weakness.

You still have allies here. Use them.

[And that's that. Another deep breath as he continues to stare into the strips of color flashing across the insides of his eyelids.]

[She does not interrupt him. Talking is better than not talking at all -- and her grip tightens, involuntarily, several times, during his little speech. War. Mystery. Weakness. Control.

But it's the last sentence, that causes her hand to slip off of his shoulder. For a brief moment, there's absolutely no sign that Rei is going to respond at all. Only uneven breathing before she shifts to reach out and take his hand, gently, only for a moment.

She doesn't really know who it's supposed to comfort.]

Toushirou, look at me.

[It's a quiet, hoarse whisper.]

[It takes a good thirty seconds at least, but he does lift his head to meet her eyes. His expression is dull, tired, almost amused at the horrible irony of it all, but not a single tear has been shed. Never again.]

[Rei doesn't quite have that iron-clad control. She bottles it up, a lot -- most of the time, really, and while she's not physically crying, her eyes are shining with the threat of it.

She reaches out to take his other hand. Complete and utter trust. He won't hurt her now -- just like he would never hurt her any other non-event week. He's not a murderer.]

In the past month or two, I've lost Minako, Makoto, Hotaru, Chibiusa, Cloud -- and -- Usagi.

[She squeezes his hands, lightly -- instinctively, as if she's expecting him to pull away and leave.]

What makes you think I want to add another name to that list and let the Animus make another decision for me?

Edited 2011-04-28 14:09 (UTC)

[So ... what? This is her way of rebelling against the animus? That's the best she can come up with?

But no. No amount of ridicule, no amount of insistence is going to change her mind. He's stuck with these people because they refuse to set him aside. He kills his closest friend, his superior, but somehow that's not a problem. He has to get over it because they all need him. Because, damn it all, he doesn't want to hurt them any more than he already has. Even though he knows, he's always known, that that is what he's going to do.]

...Nothing. I just told you not to let the animus control your decisions.

[What else can she say? She's running out of answers to give anyone, much less someone who has been forced to commit such awful things. Rei tries her best to be an optimist, but it's usually bolstered by Usagi's constant insistence that everything will work out for the best. Without her, Rei's hopeful view of the world isn't quite so bright.

It will be. But she has to have more than an hour or two to fix it.]

And you're right. So I'm not going to let them. Neither should you.

[She lets her hands drop, with a frown.]

I betrayed -- [No, she has to say it, because if she doesn't say it, she never, ever will.] -- the only person in my world who decided to give me a chance. If she comes back to this place, she won't remember that, but I will. The deaths that week, every single one of them, are just as much my burden to carry as yours, because I had the power to stop them and I didn't do it. If they leave, they won't remember that, but I will, and so will you.

[Rei clenches her teeth together for a moment, before:]

A lot of monsters were created that week. They died when the event died. Let them stay there and walk forward with me.

[He doesn't say anything for a long, long time. He just watches her, noting every little movement, every little change in her expression. Finally he takes a long, drawn out breath.]

I am not going to let some teenage girl in a sailor uniform outclass me.

[She looks startled by the response. It's almost comical, really, because of all of the possible responses, Rei expected anything but... well, that. She stares for a long moment before --

Rei swats him upside the head with a scowl.]

I am not some teenage girl.

Jerk.

[It hurts like hell. And it's frightening. Hitsugaya Toushirou, Captain of the Tenth Division of the Gotei 13, is deathly afraid of what happened. So afraid that he has no choice but to move forward to avoid being swallowed whole by that fear. But he has no way out. Nothing he can do will fix what he's already done. That thought alone is enough to ruin him. So what else is he supposed to do?

Maybe, just maybe, a good start is to try fixing things other people have done.

That line of thought is what leads him to snort when she slaps him, instead of yell.]

[She huffs to herself before she puts her hands back in her lap. It will never be okay. But it can take a step forward.

And Rei's first step is ensuring that Hitsugaya doesn't crack.]

... we're all safer together, you know.

[Rei glances over at the shinigami before tilting her head back, towards the Temple.]

It's stupid to have three people in this massive place.

[He holds in a wince at. Hinamori would have been much safer if she'd been anywhere but near him. But trying vainly to ignore that train of thought, Hino's statement is still credible. In that case, there are more people around to stop him.]

Then move.

[She pauses before she sighs, standing up to dust off her clothes.]

Maybe you people should move in here.

...

[He drops his head again, but at least he doesn't look like he's about to keel over.]

Hinamori might like that. Though... Her garden.

Nothing says that she can't still tend to the garden. Or even transplant some of it here.

[She pauses before she holds out her hand, to pull him to his feet.]

That house isn't going to help any of you, Toushirou.

[offline] The Animus. ... or something.

[offline] ...yeah. Let's go with that.

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