flameandpassion | 85 [Video]

85 [Video]

[Rei is in a hall of the Temple of Heaven, which is, miraculously, still fairly intact. Why, you ask? Because a few of the citizens of Adstringendum helped keep the entirely wooden building together -- and Rei, who is wiping a bloody blade clean on her sleeve, focuses on the PCD to address exactly that.

She looks terrible. Exhausted -- because she has not slept in days. Pale -- because she hasn't slept in days and she's been redo-ing the warding in the Temple to allow for most everyone to gain access. And she, to the very well-trained eye, is shaking. Being dismembered doesn't exactly grant well to your nerves, once the adrenaline wears off. But Rei is nothing but stubborn and though her voice is quiet and she sounds almost ill, she still manages to be heard.]

The Temple of Heaven is open to anyone who lost their homes during the attack. The warding will now allow almost everyone within the walls, save for a select few who won't make matters any better. You know who you are. I'm not going to bother naming names. And --

[She pauses before raising her eyes to focus more fully on the camera.]

I wanted to thank anyone and everyone who helped keep this building standing. It wasn't done for me -- but I want to thank you, anyway. This place is my home and the home of a lot of other people who have come through this city and to lose everything -- thank you. And -- like I said, anyone who needs a place to stay, or a shower, or food -- please come here.

For those who don't want to leave their homes -- I control fire. I understand if you don't want my assistance or don't want to ask for it, but please, if there's anything I can do to help control what fires still remain in the city, I want to help. So -- for those who don't know me, my name is Hino Rei, and my feed is always open if you need any help.

[And she presses a button on her PCD to send the coordinates to her location.]

[x,y]

[That takes care of the public matters. Now, for the personal ones.]

[Filtered to Members of the Police Force + Alphonse + Nathaniel // Private // Unhackable]

I'm sure most of you expect a resignation out of me, too, but I can't.

[Her jaw is slightly tight and she's noticeably nervous, from what she's about to say, but she keeps going anyway.]

The Archangel Raphael is dead, but not gone from the city yet. When she returns, she is sill a member of the police force. As it stands, I'm the only person in this city who can and will put her in her place if she decides to do anything psychotic. And seeing as I'm the only person in her unit, we're a little out of luck.

Seeing as we're down our original founder and we need to regroup anyway in order to start rebuilding this city -- I'd like to call for a meeting. I want all of you to decide what to do with me. If you want me out of the force, then fine -- vote me out and I'll down. Until then, I am still one of two people on the power containment unit, and I can't step down until a suitable replacement is found.

I'd also suggest kicking Raphael out while you still have the chance, since Jean-Louis Duroc was an idiot to let her in on the first place.

Please let me know when the meeting is and what you need me to do until then. Thank you.

[And the feed is cut.]

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Rei-chan, people make mistakes. [Look who's talking.] It doesn't mean they see you badly now, or blame you, or even that you were wrong. You tried something you thought might help. [Like her. She doesn't even know how to look at anyone anymore; it helps that this is only video right now even as much as she wants someone there to cling to and hold on to.]

Usagi, the city is burned, and those girls are dead, because of my decision.

[As evenly and calm as possible.]

[She's trying to stay positive, but it's already so hard to. Her eyes flicker towards the ground, off-screen.]

I understand what happened. But... I won't let anyone hate you for it. And I'll do everything I can to help make things right.

I did things, too.

You can't control what people feel, Usagi.

[Nor would Rei want to. She is a large believer in justice -- obviously, given what she does. Rei, though her only true crime is naivete and hope, should be held accountable. And if people want to hate her, then that is their right. She brought this upon herself.

But she's quiet, for a moment or two.]

What did you do?

I was there... and... I couldn't stop what happened!

[It might seem only hysterical. She'd been involved in the battle, and few people would ask for more than that opportunity to weaken the foe to end them.

But this is Usagi; more, this is Usagi whose entire function is that healing power to save the victims of these types of curses. And she'd been utterly unable to.]

[Rei's expression immediately stiffens at that, because she had been one of the individuals to deliver the killing blow. Her jaw works, as she tries to figure out what to say, but nothing is there except a shrill buzzing in her ears.]

... not everything or everyone can be healed, Usagi.

[It's not a justification for her actions -- simply a fact.]

They weren't human anymore.

Edited 2012-01-11 01:20 (UTC)

I know. When the healing didn't work, I knew, but...

[But she hates it. This isn't the Usagi who had to understand and make that choice about Mamoru when he was possessed with Metalia. This is the Usagi who brought him back another way.]

but why does it have to be that way for them?

Because that's the way their powers, their world, works.

[She has no other answer, no magical remedy to make it better, to make their world better. That was why she had gone to the level of helping summon Ekpyrosis to begin with. To change things.

Some things aren't meant to be changed.]

[She's never been good at taking the rational way. Even now, she can't accept it.]

I can't accept the way that sort of system works. Too many people are hurt by it.

Why do you think I helped summon the Animus to begin with, Usagi?

[Quietly. She's staring at the wall now.]

Changing other worlds isn't possible. Not unless the Animus can be tamed. Which they can't.

I'm sorry, Rei-chan. You were hoping for an answer, too; I know.

But even if that isn't the way, so many worlds meet here. It seems like it must be possible to do something. [Possibly; but the needed elements from said worlds might very well not be here all together.]

We can't save every universe, Usagi.

[It's almost cold, but it's a fact. It wasn't, before Rei helped Nathaniel, but it is now.]

What happens in their world is their own timeline, their own fate. The only reason why we know about it is because we were dragged here in the first place.

[Maybe the more Rei repeats it, the easier it will be to swallow. Because she's spent months trying to figure out a way to fix the various worlds and this was pretty much the be all end all solution. And it failed.]

But now that we do know, we can't ignore it, either. And now that we're all here, it affects all of us.

[It isn't quite the sentence that does it, but the repetition of it inside her head -- we can't ignore it, we're all here, it affects all of us -- that causes Rei to toss the blade she was holding toward the floor, with a clatter.]

What makes you think that I don't know that, Usagi?

[It's quiet, but desperate, Hino Rei backed into a corner that caused her to do something so dangerously reckless in the first place.]

I have been here for a year and a half -- of constant murder, and bloodshed, and chaos, and I have seen people come to this world and leave it just to die, I know what is at stake for the people who live here. I know what happens when people go home to die. And I know what will happen those girls when they come back. They're cursed. There is nothing that will save them short of returning to their world and defeating whatever put them in that position in the first place and we can't do that because we are trapped here and the only hope that we had of doing that was inside that stupid city and I tried to make it work and I couldn't!

I just lost a year and a half of work and progress and trust in this city because I wanted to do exactly what you are telling me to do and it isn't possible. The Animus are the ones in charge, the Animus are the ones who send us back and forth, and we are at their mercy, and there is nothing we can do about it except pray to whoever is listening that it isn't us next, because they are too powerful to defeat. So --

[And Rei stoops to pick up the knife, her fingers shaking, and it's obvious she's trying not to cry, but she manages to keep it in check out of a sheer stubbornness not to do so.]

Don't -- tell me that I'm ignoring it and that I'm just brushing off something that affects us all because I have -- way too much on my shoulders right now to -- to just fix something that can't be fixed, like -- that I just got half of this city killed, including those girls, and some of them were by my own hand. Okay? I can't -- plan anything right now except how to get people into a house and find enough food to feed the people that are going to starve because I tried to fix the damn impossible.

[For just a second, she looks as if Rei had slapped her. She hadn't... meant it like that; she'd meant for her own self, she wanted to still think there could be a way to come together, to face it all together, to be strong together.

She doesn't know what to say, and for a long time, she says nothing. Then, as always, incapable of putting it elsewhere, she takes the blame on herself.]

I'm sorry, Rei-chan. [It comes out quiet, as she stifles the tears that could make Rei angrier.]

I'm sorry I wasn't here with you for all of that. I'm sorry it made you think you had to do this alone. And I'm sorry I wasn't any use even when I was there.

I'm sorry.

[It's the expression that causes her to freeze, any anger and frustration dissipating in an instant to just stare at her friend through the PCD connection.

The problem isn't so much that Rei felt as if she had to do this alone. It's that she knew she had to. There was no loneliness in her decision, no isolation, no dislike -- it was that Usagi could not handle the reality that is Adstringendum and Rei had to fix it. That was her job, as a friend, and as a senshi -- to protect Usagi. And if she could fix Adstringendum, she could do that -- fix the murder and bloodshed and people going home because Usagi could not handle the harsh reality that this world was horrible and it was not their own and that was it.

Lashing out at Usagi certainly isn't going to help. But there's nothing else to be said. She can't take it back -- because what Rei said was true. The world is broken. It cannot be fixed. That was the end of that story.

She slumps against the wall slightly, exhaling shakily, not looking at the PCD anymore.]

It's --

[She sucks in a breath.]

I just -- I need to go to sleep.

[Usagi's stirred herself to action each time she's had to, because she's had to; she knows when that time comes and even if she still wants to believe in hope, she knows when things are serious. If she ever had a doubt, she has the experiences of the past twenty-four hours still leaving her shell-shocked.

But when it comes to helping Rei... She feels more and more that she isn't quite sure what to do. An enemy, she can face and fight. A friend, she wants to be able to soothe and comfort.]

I think you should. [And this, for once, is not laziness speaking.] We have a lot we need to do right now, but you need to take care of yourself and rest, too.

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