flameandpassion | 36 [Voice]

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36 [Voice]

Riku's PCD is offline.

[She sounds oddly... calm about the news, but those that know her well know that it's getting to her. First Makoto vanishes, then Rhode vanishes, making Tyki unstable, and now Riku.

Especially Riku. Because Rei knows what's lying in store for him when he returns home.

There's a quiet pause, as if she's about to continue with what she's going to say, before she shuts off her PCD.]

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Did you ever stop and think that maybe I'd be able to help you? You're not the only one who can protect the people you care about.

Of course I did. And I know that you can.

But it isn't just my plan.

[Hitsugaya trusts maybe three people in Adstringendum. Rei just happens to be one of them.]

Of course it isn't.

[But he trust Usagi. Think about that one, Rei.]

... I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I wasn't supposed to tell anyone, but I couldn't --

[She wrings her hands for a moment.]

... I couldn't.

[There's a pause, long and full of tense silence.]

Why?

I hate hiding things and I hate keeping things from people and I don't want to keep things from you.

[She looks genuinely upset over the matter. Rei is very used to being an open book with the senshi, but in Adstringendum, she can't be.]

I couldn't have you tell me that and... hide something like that from you. It wouldn't be right.

[Her words caused him to soften, his anger slowly dissipating until there was nothing left but a calm sort of acceptance. His life was in shambles. He had lost his best friend, possibly for good, and someone he had once thought to be a friend had been the cause of it. The last thing he wanted was to lose Rei.

And after all, it wasn't like he wasn't hiding something too.]

You're not the only one who has secrets.

What do you mean?

[There was no easy way to say this, but maybe... simple was best.]

I was trying to help Horst. I thought... maybe mako could slow the progression of his disease. And the only way to find it here... is in my blood.

[Horst.

Horst crossed a line with Rei, a few days ago. Her lips purse tightly together, but she doesn't say anything for a moment or two.]

...you're kinder than I am.

I didn't want him hurting anyone.

[It was the same thing, in the end, and the reasons for keeping it a secret were the same.]

Does it hurt you?

I can handle it.

That doesn't answer my question.

Not for long.

... good. I'm glad you helped him.

[She may be pissed at him, but he shouldn't suffer like that.]

[He takes a deep breath, worrying at his bottom lip before turning his attention away from her.]

I want to go with you.

You can't.

[It's a quiet response.]

I could. If you really wanted me to.

I don't want anyone to go with me.

[If it were up to her, she'd do it so that no one else would be in danger, but she made the mistake of talking about the plan with Hitsugaya Toushirou. That put an end to that.]

And... the plans have been made. Adding more people would only put more people in danger. You can't go.

Yeah. But they are.

[And now he knows exactly where he sits with her. And it hurts. Like a clawing deep in his chest that he knows he'll never be rid of.]

Thank you for having so much trust in me.

[There were many things in his life he regretted saying, but nothing so much as he regretted this. He had been waiting for the perfect time to say those words to her, ever since before their fight at Christmas. And now... he wasn't sure what love was worth without trust. Little, that much he was sure of.]

I'll talk to you when you get back.

That isn't it!

[And, for once, Rei sounds legitimately angry.]

I'm so tired of people pulling this -- this passive aggressive tone with me whenever I try to do something to help! Do you want to know what happened, the last time people invaded the Inner City, Cloud? People died. Do you really think I want my friends to go inside that city or be anywhere around it when Ulquiorra and I go inside? It isn't about trust, it's about the fact that Hitsugaya and Usagi aren't going to leave, and I've already gotten enough flack from Saturn about acting alone and endangering the princess and I'm tired of it!

[She stops for a moment, startled at the sudden outburst, before she presses her hands against her forehead. She's trying not to cry.]

... I didn't tell you because I knew you would want to go with me and I'm telling you that you can't for your own good. If you want to help, stay here and help the city if anything escapes.

No, it's because you think it's what's best for me. I already told you, you don't get to decide what I risk my life for.

And if you're so worried about me leaving then why are you still here with me?

[Except he's not Saturn. He could care less if the rest of the Senshi were involved or not. It wasn't about them. He was a part of a group of his own, and despite Avalanche being a tight unit, they still fought on their own, because they had to be able to take care of themselves.]

You want me to stay here and protect the city? Fine. But don't get pissed off at me the next time I almost die trying to protect what I care about.

[She doesn't say anything for a long moment.]

... because everyone leaves in the end, Cloud.

[And her voice breaks, for the slightest moment. Ami has already left once. Makoto is gone. Riku is gone. Matsumoto left Hitsugaya. Aerith has left before. Even Aizen, the supposedly all-powerful shinigami, vanished without a trace.]

It doesn't matter who you are or how powerful you are. Everyone leaves in the end, in this place. And it's worth it, even if you leave tomorrow, to keep the memories and moments I do have.

[She pauses for a moment before continuing, and while her voice remains strong, it's a lot quieter.]

I told you because I love you, and I meant that. But some things I have to do by myself. Just like you have to do some things by yourself.

This infiltration is one of those things.

I know that, Rei. And one day, one of us is going to leave, and the other will be left behind. We both knew what could happen when we started this.

The point is that you're worth it to me. Even if you left tomorrow, and I never saw you again, you'd still be worth it.

[He hated hearing that softness in her voice, the way it broke, even as she tried to keep it strong. Why was he so set on fighting her on this?

Oh, right, because he really didn't want to have to go collect her body and sit by it until she woke up, hoping that when she did, she'd still have her memories of him and their time together.]

I know that. But... did you really expect me to be okay with this after telling me something like that?

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