flameandpassion | 80 [Voice] Backdated to earlier today, around 2:00 PM.

[He watches her for a moment, frowning slightly, before he can place what that action is for. It's one he's seen many times, at least, and used on occasion himself.]

You are still angry with me.

[She's quiet, for a moment, before she shifts her attention to him, jaw set. She almost snaps at him, to say no, really?, but that isn't fair, and Rei sucks in a breath, to set to spell out exactly -- well, why she's angry.]

I'm angry that I'm expected to be this infallible person around someone who does nothing but torment me for sport. I'm angry that no one bothers to listen when I say that he's done nothing but follow me, and torment me, and try to kill me since he's gotten here. And I'm angry that I'm the one that's out of line when his idea of a good night is pouring acid into my blood, and torturing the people I care about, and ripping out your Grace, and I'm the only one that's still angry over it, because all of you have this ridiculously stupid superiority complex when it comes to dealing with one another, when I had to deal with Lucifer without any of you because I was the only one in this stupid city who saw him for who he was.

[She pauses, at that, before scoffing to herself, looking back at the window.]

And I still am, so, go ahead, start on the 'you don't get it' and 'you should've walked away' and 'you don't have a place in this', because I've heard it hundreds of times before from everyone in this city, and it's not going to change anytime soon.

[He's quiet at that outburst, and he understands it. Part of it; that Rei is tormented by Lucifer, than she can't forget the things he's done, that she feels the need to protect people from him. Other parts he disagrees with, and is frustrated she can't seem to understand.

But mostly, he's annoyed, because she seems to fail to see the reason he was angry with her.]

Your reasoning for disliking Lucifer is not in question, Rei. You may dislike him if you wish. I am not expecting you to be friends.

[And a pause, as he narrows his eyes slightly, and tries to figure out how to put into words what is upsetting him.]

But that you seem to be putting your pride and your anger above avoiding a situation like this is frustrating at best. Do you believe I want to be responsible for being certain you are not killed because you decided it was more important to argue? What did you expect for me to do, agree with everything you had said and go against Lucifer? I don't have that choice, Rei. I would prefer if you don't put me at risk because getting a word in to him is more of a priority to you then either of us not being killed.

[He hadn't meant to say all of that. He hadn't realized he was that upset.]

[She's silent for a long moment, and her heart is pounding uncomfortably in her chest, because -- well, he's right. And there's a sickening twist of guilt as she realizes, with a numb type of horror, that she left him by himself, defenseless, against Lucifer, just because she was angry. Why in the hell was she so stupid? He could have gotten angry and snapped his neck without batting an eyelash and it would have been her fault. But no, she had left, because she was upset, and that had been more important to her at the time than thinking intelligently and realizing that Castiel couldn't just fly away anymore.

Which was also her fault. And Castiel being in this position at all was her fault, too. And that twisting in her stomach now felt as it had spread to her chest, which was uncomfortably tight, and when she speaks, it sounds as if she's fighting down the urge to cry.

Because, really, that entire little tirade was exactly what she was talking about, but how can she point that out when it's true?]

He's never going to leave me alone.

[It's pitifully quiet and subdued.]

I didn't even talk to him and he wouldn't leave me alone.

[He didn't want to upset her, certainly not the point of what sounded like near-tears. He knows she feels trapped. He can tell, because he feels it too; he always feels that way. Maybe that's why he's so angry about this.

He's second guessing himself, and his decisions, and his plan. Because everything had nearly gone wrong, and what would've happened if either Lucifer or Rei hadn't backed down? What would have happened if they'd decided to fight? Castiel would've had to step in on Rei's side, would've had to have broken the agreement and the partnership and the fragile bond he had formed with Lucifer, and it would all be over.

He would do it, if he has to. He knows it and he won't bother to deny it, but if it comes to that, he hopes it's for a far better reason than a clash of egos.

He's quiet at her words, and he drifts closer to her.]

There is no avoiding him, Rei. I am not saying you must agree with him, or get along. But you must not antagonize him.

[He remembers, suddenly, saying something similar to Rei once when she'd told him to simply stop speaking to Lucifer. Maybe she understands now that it's not that simple.

And in many ways, Castiel is glad it isn't. Because otherwise he would've never been able to learn the things he has if he'd simply been able to never speak to Lucifer. And they wouldn't have the chance they now have.]

I won't let him talk to me that way.

[It's quiet, and while she's making an honest effort not to cry, a few tears slip out anyway, and she scoffs to herself in frustration before she puts her head in her hands, drawing in a rattling breath to try and calm herself down, to get a grip.]

I can't -- I can't just sit there and listen to him when he tells me that I'm a failure and I'm nothing and I'm just going to lose at whatever I'm fighting for and I can't listen to it anymore, because no one else in this stupid -- forsaken -- city -- will tell him the truth, Cas, you heard him, he doesn't give a damn about anyone in this city but himself and I'm expected to just walk away and ignore that when he wouldn't think anything of killing you if it came down to it? He --

[And she has to stop, to draw in another breath -- and another one, because she's upset, and ranting while upset doesn't really lead well to breathing properly. One last trembling breath grants her the ability to continue.]

I just wanted one stupid normal night where nothing bad happened and he showed up to torment me anyway.

Why can't you?

[It's quiet, and not accusatory; he knows how hard it would be. He knows how hard it is to hear such things. But he's also learned to try to ignore them.

Surviving, protecting his friends, and finding a way to accomplish his goals have become the priorities for him. He's had to lay down his pride, as much as possible, in pursuit of those things; it's difficult but not impossible. And it's been working.

He had to learn to do so in a terrible way, and he doesn't want anything like that to happen to Rei. He can tell how upset she is, but what is he supposed to do? He's trying to help her, in the long run, by keeping her from being hurt.]

Something will always go wrong. There is no normal, and there is no peaceful.

[It's harsh, and he doesn't mean it that way, but it's the jaded and tired side of him speaking.]

There may be peaceful moments, but they can't be expected, Rei.

[She's about to answer his first question when the rest of what he says sinks in, and Rei falls silent as she stares at the floor. She knows that, realistically, she can't have that normal life. And there aren't very many days where she wants it -- she's a soldier, she works to protect people, that's all there is to it. She is no one else.

But it's hard when you get your hopes up for just one night off of who you actually are, and you have that two or three hour window where you let yourself forget that you protect a city, and you have responsibilities, and you don't have to be a soldier 24/7, only to have harsh reality come crashing down on your doorstep in the form of the Devil himself, hellfire and Grace and that disgusting feeling that makes her skin crawl -- and she can't escape it.

She's never questioned why she can't choose her life before, but it's odd, and sickly cruel, when she wants to change this one aspect of her life so badly, she isn't allowed to. That rule can't be broken to fit her own standards -- that one has to stay in place. Because Rei isn't normal, and she never was, and she never will be, and while she accepts that, and even has quite a lot of pride in it -- she suddenly wants to be sick when she realizes that it also means that Lucifer will never, ever, ever leave her alone. And in order to protect herself, she has to allow him that semblance of control over her life.

When she finally does look up, she has tears in her eyes that she's trying not to let fall, and her cheeks are pale. Her voice is quiet, and almost numb.]

Because I've already given up more of myself to this place than I should have.

[And she wipes her eyes quickly before refocusing her attention on the floor, and she now sounds downright miserable -- with the tiniest note of determination, somewhere, on the very last syllable.]

... I'm already his toy, but that doesn't mean I have to let him play with me.

[He doesn't know what to do. He can't fix this for her; he stood up to Lucifer to make it clear this wasn't acceptable, but it went both ways. He couldn't do that every time.

He will always choose her over Lucifer, but he doesn't want to have to.

At her words, he's quiet a moment, and he steps closer to her. Ducking his head slightly to catch her gaze in the way Dean does--and she does--whenever he's avoiding eye contact, he looks at her seriously.]

None of us are toys. Choosing our battles doesn't make us so.

[She doesn't meet his eyes, for a moment, but they flicker upwards at the words. They don't make her feel any better, but -- he's correct. She shouldn't lower herself to that word -- toy. Not when she's fought so hard to be who she is.

She sniffs slightly to herself, averting her eyes briefly before refocusing her attention on him, looking... well, more than moderately pathetic.

The great soldier of war, Mars, reduced to a crying little girl in a shirt that was easily twice her size.

Rei silently promises herself that this will never happen again.]

... I'm sorry.

[It's quiet, but sincere.]

I -- meant what I said. I would die to keep you safe. I never meant to put you in more danger.

[She sounds almost pitifully small, at the admission.]

I'm aware.

[He means it. He knows she never would have intentionally put him in danger, but she has to know that fighting with Lucifer, whether verbally or otherwise, does just that. She must avoid him, and if she can't, then she must figure out how to diffuse the situation.]

I know that dealing with him can be difficult. I didn't mean to insinuate the confrontation was entirely your fault.

[That -- instantly made the tightness in her chest go away. Because, really, that was her entire problem to begin with. She takes a deep breath and lets it out in a rush of air before she hiccups to herself -- and then groans, flopping back onto her bed.]

Great, just what I need, to sound like a drunk.

[She has a pounding headache, and her stomach is still in knots, and she has an impressive amount of guilt to shove through, but at least she has the barest edges of her familiar flat tone back.]

[He watches her react, a little perplexed, tilting his head slightly to the side.]

You do not sound drunk.

[Trust him. He knows. 8|]

I almost got drunk last night, but I said no.

[Rei is nothing but honest. 8| And she remains like that for a minute or two, staring at the ceiling for a moment, her breathing finally even and light, before she closes her eyes and speaks.]

Did you have fun before that disaster happened?

Good.

[Because really, Rei. After everything you've said about drinking. He pauses at the question, and gives his usual tiny shrug.]

I am not suited to parties.

Neither am I.

[She hiccups again, but it's quieter, now that her breathing is better, but she makes an irritated sound all the same.]

... but it was fun, I guess, considering. The last time I went to a party like that was because I needed to catch a youma.

I had never been to such an event.

[He is an angel of the Lord he doesn't go to parties. 8|]

I could tell.

[And she pauses for a moment before pushing herself up to sitting again, to frown at him.]

What did he say after I left?

[Castiel shrugs again slightly, leaning against the wall.]

He justified his reasons for speaking with you and claimed you were the cause of the issues by refusing to speak civilly.

[And though he knows she probably did get hostile right away, Lucifer's idea of his own civility was certainly not anyone else's. Both sides were at fault here.]

Figures.

[It's muttered, but she doesn't bother arguing. Cas had already apologized for placing the blame on her. She sees no need to prove it any further. And it makes her feel better that Cas seems to have taken her side anyway. 8|

She pauses, though, as she contemplates this, before she suddenly looks as if she's sulking, and she pushes herself backwards to sit against her pillows, irritated.]

Lucifer crashed my prom and I didn't even get kissed. I should quit being a teenager.

I told him not to bother you further. He did not entirely agree, but said that would not without reason.

[Lucifer's 'reasons' wouldn't necessarily be good ones but at least maybe they'd be better than 'she was entertaining'. At Rei's comment, he just stares, a little surprised for a moment and certainly a little baffled.]

Were you intending to be kissed?

[She doesn't look very confident at that, but she does look comforted that Castiel tried. Standing up to Lucifer isn't something a lot of people do. That someone did it for her is something she's grateful for beyond words.

-- and then Castiel kept talking.

She frowns slightly, at that, before sighing -- mostly in exasperation.]

Well -- yeah, but whatever. It's stupid. There are more important things to worry about.

There are.

[He says this in a tone of great finality, and like it's obvious.]

Who were you intending to kiss?

[John, he figures. But he should be certain.]

[She rolls her eyes at him, before focusing on the ceiling.]

My date.

[She resists the urge to say 'duh'.]

[Just this look Rei. Judging your date. And you a little.]

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